Not For Free

February 11, 2005

Earlier this afternoon at work, I'd just finished taking a piss when I noticed that the toilet was broken. It wouldn't flush. In fact, the water was shut off completely for the entire floor.

There's a girl at work who is especially fussy about such things, so I made sure to warn her.

"Hey, I know you're one of those crazy people who actually likes to flush the toilet after they use it, so I wanted to warn you that it isn't working right now."

She spun around in her chair with a panicked expression on her face. "What?"

"The toilet's busted."

"Oh no. What if I have to go?"

"You can go, you just can't flush. If it's yellow, let it mellow."

She didn't laugh. Or maybe she did, but if the noise she made was a laugh, it sure was an uncomfortable one.

"You can hold it," I reassured her.

"But just you telling me that the toilet isn't working makes me have to go right now."

"So go."

She grimmaced and shook her head.

"What's the big deal? You don't like to mix your pee with your co-workers?"

"What if...you know...like, when I go, it splashes back at me?" She shuddered.

"Oh c'mon. What's a little pee on your ass among friends? I'm sure you've done kinker stuff than that."

"Probably," she admitted. "But not for free."