New York Dolls
February 9, 2004
Brian and I left Erick’s party rather early, but neither of us was quite ready to go home, and, since we were downtown, Brian suggested we visit New York Dolls. “For old time's sake.”
We used to go all the time in the 90s. I lived with a girl who occasionally danced there, and a girl who lived across the hall from Brian did, too. But that was a lifetime ago, and neither of us had been to a strip club in ages. Most of our old favorites have been closed for years, but New York Dolls somehow survives.
"‘Can I get you guys some drinks?’ the cocktail waitress asked as soon as we paid the $10 cover and before we even had a chance to sit down.
"I'll have a Coke," Brian said.
"No alcohol?" the waitress replied, incredulously.
"No. A Coke."
Then she turned to me. "And for you?"
"I'll have a beer."
We took a seat across from the unflinching glare of a square-shaped bouncer in a cheap suit and waited for our drinks.
"I wish I knew martial arts," Brian said. "I would love to take a guy like that down."
The guy was huge and humorless, and I gave Brian a look as if to say, "Dream on."
"If I knew martial arts, I could do it."
"Maybe,” I said, “As long as he didn't know martial arts too."
"Yeah. then I'd have to start a huge Jackie Chan scene and start using the round table tops like frisbees and shit."
We hadn't been sitting there for more than a minute before the first dancer came by.
"Hi, guys," she said. "Where are you guys from?"
Brian pointed to the ground and said, "Here. New York."
"Really?" she said, looking surprised.
"Yeah, really."
She pulled up a chair and went on: "I was born in upstate New York, but I've lived here for eleven years. I ride horses. And I'm tall and skinny with long hair, and everyone I know who rides horses is tall and skinny with long hair. Isn't that interesting?"
She looked at Brian, who didn't quite know how to respond, and then she looked at me.
"Uh, yeah," I said, "interesting."
"So. Would you guys like a dance?"
Brian nodded toward a girl on stage who had caught his attention and said, "I'm waiting for her."
"I didn't ask you that!" the tall, skinny dancer said, and started to twitch. "Some guys get off on telling us that they like other girls better, but us girls? We don't really care. It doesn't bother me. But that's not what I asked you. I asked if you wanted a dance with me."
She used her hands to present herself as if she were a new stove on The Price Is Right. The description she gave of herself as skinny with long hair was accurate, but incomplete. I mean, she was skinny, and she did have long hair, but she also had bluish, textured skin and purple eye sockets. Her actual eyeballs bulged slightly like ping pong balls about to be shot across the room. Her movements were ungraceful at best.
Brian and I sat in uncomfortable silence until she finally got up and huffed off. "Well, guys," she said as she teetered away on her crooked heels, "good luck."
The waitress came with our drinks: "That'll be sixteen dollars."
What?.
We did our best to avoid eye contact with anyone until the Italian dancer whom Brian had been watching came off stage. Brian asked her for a dance.
So there I was. Hmm. Okay. So when the Hungarian girl swung by and asked if I wanted a dance, I said, "Sure."
She told me she's only been in the country for six months.
“Wow. No kidding. How's that working out for you? So far so good?"
She wasn't interested in making small talk. She just stared into space until the song was over, and she asked: "Would you like another?"
"No thanks."
Brain was in the middle of his second or third dance, but I was ready to go. Until AC/DC came blasting over the sound system, that is. As the first chords of that old stripper staple You Shook Me All Night Long punctured the otherwise stagnant vibe, I scanned the room. I spotted a tall brunette rocking out all alone in the corner and went over to her — again, for old time’s sake.
"Will you give me a dance to AC/DC?" I asked.
She sat me down and started her routine.
"So," she softly said, "You like AC/DC?"
"What's not to like?" I replied.
"Exactly."
