Lil’ Shorty At Large

October 25, 2006

Deborah and I rented Capote last night. Toward the end of the movie, Deborah commented that Capote's book, In Cold Blood, wasn't very long. She remembered it being fairly short, much like his other well-known book Breakfast at Tiffany's. I disagreed and said I was pretty sure the book was a full-length novel, if not a little on the long side. As it is with all questions these days, the answer was only a few keystrokes away, so when the movie was over, we looked it up online to see who was right. I headed straight for Amazon.com and began searching through the information listed for the book. If Amazon included a page count, we never found it. Instead, as is typical of online research, we got sidetracked.

"Listen to this," I said, and began reading aloud the following review:

0 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

In Cold Blood , March 28, 2003

Reviewer:

LIL SHORTY (USA) - See all my reviews

This book is pretty good, Its considered a Nonfiction book since its based on the killings of the Clutters, but Truman did make up some of this stuff too. I watched a video about In Cold Blood, lemme tell ya, this Truman guy has the weirdest voice ever, and he has the 2 male killers in the book constantly calling each other 'Honey' and stuff— Its a pretty good attention getter for about the first half, but the last half gets kind of boring when Dick and Perry are being questioned and all that jazz.

"Who wrote that?"

"Lil' Shorty," I said, then clicked on the link to see Lil' Shorty's other reviews. "Hmm—mostly reviews of CDs by pre-teen pop stars I've never heard of. Like Aaron Carter."

"Who's Aaron Carter?"

"Exactly. But let's see what Lil' Shorty has to say."

Oh Aaron ~ Aaron Carter

2 stars for 3 good songs, July 16, 2002 Ive been a humungus aaron fan since he was 9! but when this album came along, i was pretty upset, i wish I could say I loved every minute of it, but that would just be a lie. I was upset at the way he sings, not his voice, but the way he uses it. He said his album would be more grown up and he was going to rap, well, thats really not rap, not at all, not even close, he sounds young on this record, and like he didnt put much effort into the music, because of it, it might hurt him in the long run, but I hope that it does not. I did enjoy the songs "Im all about you", "Hey You" and "Baby Its You" they just caught my attention real well, but I could not get into any of the rest. Im still a big aaron fan though, maybee the next album will be different.

"Wait, what are the names of those songs again?"

"I'm All About You, Hey You, and Baby It's You."

Deborah's fit of hysterics encouraged me to read more reviews. Like this one:

Getting There VHS ~ Mary-Kate Olsen WTF, July 16, 2002

Action? Adventure?? HA! I THINK NOT! These twins are such spoiled brats, have you even noticed how much stuff they have out???? Bazillion videos and movies, tv shows, books for every episode, clothing/accesories/shampoo line, dolls,cds, video games, their own magazine and soooooo much more, its ridiculous! They are only 16! In all their movies they always go on "adventures" to all these places that practically all normal girls have never been, and most of em will never be! Who gets a classic car wrapped in a bow on their 16th birthday, then take it out on a road trip when they JUST GOT their licence?? This is sooo increadibly stupid!

"It's weird, isn't it? I mean, it sounds like Lil Shorty is a twelve-year-old girl, right?"

"At most. More like nine."

"Right. And all these reviews are of preadolescent movies and music. But then there's In Cold Blood. What's up with that?"

We spent about half an hour speculating, and then went to bed.