I’m Tempted To Use This As My “About” Page
JANUARY 7, 2010
This is something I wrote for a middle school English assignment. I guess I was somewhere between ten and twelve years old. I’ve posted it before, but since it relates to my previous post in several ways — accidents, middle school, and women’s lib — I figured I’d brush it off and post it again. Considering this is the kind of thing I was writing in middle school, it’s surprising that my childhood friend was so stunned by my book’s voice. In my defense, this was the era when Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs had their historic “Battle of the Sexes” tennis match, and the subject of women’s liberation was a hot topic among the pre-adolescent youth of the day. The last sentence of my assignment seems to have been added in at the last minute, no doubt after hearing what other boys in class were writing.
“Me, Myself and I
One dark, cold night, while my mother just finished dinner of knockwurst and sourcraut and beer she felt me hitting inside her. She knew I was coming soon. At about 12:30 my mother went to the hospital where the most fantastic, curious, spectacular child was born at 1:20 am. I was chubby and full of hair on my head. I weighed in at about 7 pounds 8 ouces. After staying for a while at the hospital I went to my apartment in Summit where they just recently added onto.
When I was young, about 6 or less months old, my mother nicknamed me thud because I would always fall off of things such as bookcases, beds, etc. I was always moving and getting into things and messing things up.
By the age of three, I was drawing pictures on everything with anything I could get my hands on. In the middle of kindergarten I moved to where I live now. About a month later, I fell on my lip and I can still remember the blood that splattered all over the bathtub. I needed stitches and when they took them out it was messed up and now I have a big lip.
My first interest in becoming a surgeon came in fourth grade and now I have books and rat brains and kits. I have other hobbies too besides falling off things. They are dissecting, writing and making movies with my friend Jerry. By fifth grade we made seven films and wrote a bunch of humor magazines and dissected 2 bull frogs, one grasshopper, one crayfish, and four tree frogs. I would never kill an animal, especially a wild one, but the same for domestic. I am also a male chauvenist and am against women’s lib definitly!”
