High Fidelity

November 22, 2003

When the clouds hang low and thick like a wool army blanket, the light from the Empire State Building reflects off the sky and makes it look like fluorescent light behind frosted glass. I imagine sitting on a fire escape or a rooftop and looking down at myself. Watch myself do the stupid things I do. I look down and shake my head and think: "That guy is a fucking idiot."

A girl told me the other day that I was complicated. "It's what draws people to you," she said.

"Draws people to me?"

"Yeah."

"Is it also why you never return my phone calls?"

She didn't say.

I saw my ex tonight. She called and said she had some things to give me if I wanted them. "Maybe," So I went to her tiny apartment in her fancy neighborhood to have a look. I rang the buzzer and walked up the stairs. She unlocked the door and opened it. What the fuck? A guy was sitting on the couch. Barefoot. Drinking a beer and having a smoke.

"Is that guy your new boyfriend?" I said, when he was out of earshot.

"I guess. It sorta seems that way."

"Yeah, it sorta seems that way. That's why I asked."

I didn't know he was going to be there, and even though he seemed like a nice enough guy -- despite the vague story she glossed over about his jail time -- I still felt a little blind sided.

"Where are the things you wanted to give me?” I looked at the stuff. "Yeah, sure. Okay. I'll take it."

She offered me a drink and asked me to stay for a little while. They were watching "Sex and the City." Surreal. I felt like I was living an episode. It became even more surreal when they told me how the show is filmed on their street, and the main character is supposed to live a few doors down.

"I hate that fucking show," I said.

So they flipped around, and guess what else was on? High Fidelity. Watching High Fidelity with an ex would be fucked up enough, but watching it with her "new boyfriend" was completely off the fucked up meter. It is a pretty good movie, though. So I sat and watched for a little while. Like the girl says, I'm complicated. Or maybe I’m just dumb.