Channeling Howard Hughes

Mar 15, 2010

Included in a battery of tests recently ordered by my doctor is a 24-hour urine test. I was given a half-gallon jug marked "Biohazard" and told to use it instead of a toilet for 24 hours, then return it for testing. Although I got the jug a week ago, I decided it was best to wait until the weekend so I wouldn't need to bring a jug of piss to work. Lucky for me, yesterday was another gray and rainy day where I barely left the house, perfect for playing Howard Hughes.

"Why did they give you such a huge jug?" Deborah asked. "Did they think you were going to go out drinking all day?"

"Good question. It was St. Patrick's Day, after all," I said. "But it does seem a little excessive, doesn't it? I had a dream last night that the jug was full and overflowing. I had to pour some out. I remember thinking it was going to ruin the test, and I'd have to do it all over again. But who knows -- I guess they make it big to play it safe. Maybe some people have problems."

"Oh, people have problems all right."

Although I'm not taking the piss jug to work with me, I do have to take it on the bus to drop it off at the lab. It makes me wonder what other people are secretly carrying around with them on the bus. I can only imagine.